I refuse to say it.

I don't want to say it,
I don't know what to say.
What else can I say?
Should I say it?
Do I wanna say it?
I don't want to say it.
I refuse to have to say it.
I know I shouldn't say it.
It isn't something to say.


My mind hurts.

Hehe,
eeeeppp.

Oh gosh.


Mwah.

O-ECS

I scare myself.

You know what I just noticed?
Is that I try to hide so much from everyone...
like my parents...
so I tried to never type anything out where
I thought they would read it,
only because I knew I would be in a ton of SHIT!


Then,
I noticed...they can't read my blogger...
nor my other blogging account.


I also went over the list of things I talk A LOT about...
because those are the things you "love"

so...

my "love" list:

1) Work
2) (C)
3) Brothers
4) New things.




So,
I found out this guy likes me.
At first I couldn't tell.
Last night though...he made it clear.
But...you...see...
there is a tad bit of a problem...like always.

and I'm not even sure how I feel.


ugh.


Mwah.

O-ECS

Click Click Click.

I wanna type.
I wanna type out my world
of moods.
I wanna type my heart out into words.


But,
every time I try...
it never gets close to how I feel.



Can I ask you something?
Why are you always in my room?

but it's never just you...it's him too...
Does that mean...?
NO!!
I wont agree to it.
NO..NO NO NO NO NO!!!

It's all in my mind.
I'll just make it all go away!




(J)
Mawalan ko kayo
I wish I could change things.


It's freezing cold!!!
D:
...see...now would be an amazing time to have someone special...

Stupid hole...


Mwah.

O-ECS

Why?

5/23

Yeah,
it got to me.

No matter how content I am with the situation...
it still hurts.

I mean I'm not gonna go off like I did
on my other blogger...but yeah.


ANYWAY!!

I went into work today,
even though I was off.
(:

(P)
IS SO SUPER AMAZING!!

hehe.


I didn't have to seem him.
Thank god.
Woulda been awkward on me.


//


When I think
right now...
I can say I don't like anyone.

But,
when I'm around one of the these
four guys.
I act different.
I know I'm acting different,
and I truly hate it.
So, why can't I act normal?
Is it lust?


Wow,
just read that lust is associated
with cows and the color blue.


You know what I miss?
And this has been on my mind since the asian
brought it up.
She asked,
"Why do you wanna get in a relationship so fast?"
I said,
"Fast? It's been 2 months..."
She said,
"Well not fast, so bad?"
Then I shut up.


Later that day,
my friend and I got into this talk.
Venting but not?
We do this weird thing.
He asked if I knew what Love was.
I told him, no...I don't believe in it.
He kinda agreed.
I told him he should go back out and date.
He said no.
I asked why?
He said, I'm tired of getting hurt.

I laughed at little at myself.

Then told him,
you have to learn to get up from those falls.

He asks,
"How do you do it?"

I said,
"I think about how I felt when I was with that last person.
That I wanna feel that feeling all the time,
and I wont feel that, doing nothing."

"What do you miss?"


So,
I listed things I missed.
Then told him,
"If I found a relationship,
as good or even better then that,
I wouldn't have to miss it anymore,
and yeah maybe I might get hurt,
but I'll just wanna find that feeling all over again.
It keeps me busy with life."

Then our conversation ended.
I got sleepy.


//


So,
working on a story.
It's not to great.
):

But it's better then nothing.

It's kinda like
my person thought of what people
REALLY think of me.

hmmm.


(Dbb)
Why do I like you?
UGH!!!
):

(RS)
I don't think I like you anymore.
(:
So, we really can
be just friends.

(EJ)
I think I'm getting over you.
You make me mad sometimes.
So, idk.

(PITB)
I don't even know where
to start with you.
I like you,
I don't like you,
I like you,
and guess what?
I don't.

So the four is now down to two.


Mwah.

O-ECS

Holy crap.

If it couldn't get worse.

Haha, it didn't,
don't worry.
Today was pretty good.
(:


Yeah,
that means it has to do with work.

d:

I really do love this place.

So,
I'll start with that all the cooks
when they tell me I have an order up,
most are like Irish, Cup, IRISH!
something alone that line.
But, (L) says sweetheart.
Calms me down for the day.
(:

Then you have the drunk women,
I swear if I have to say excuse me one more time.
I might just flip.

Male dancers are funny/weird.
Not fun to have to see though.
Funny to see though.
Pink Fairy.

"Little gangsta, go go."

(DBB)
I was hoping to get out sooner then you being there.
Guess it's my luck.
Yummy fries though.
Haha.
...thank you btw.
^.~


(JBM)
You are so amazing.
Love is a strong emotion,
if you believe in it.
YOU NEED TO SLEEP THOUGH!
I mean dang boy, 7?
How do you still have an all around amazing mood still?
Funny and super strong.

(JBG)
Thank you for the paths.
I wanted to kick them though.
Stop moving my sour cream.

(BGs)
YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!!

(Tmd)
That last comment you said to me,
before I left.
It wasn't something..
I thought I would hear from you.
Thanks.
That really did mean a lot to me.
(:


(N/C)
I really got to know about you guys today.
It was super amazing.
I love just chatting with you guys.

(RS)
Wow,
17?
This is sooo gonna be a cute gift.
haha.
(:

(Mbt)
Dude that was so funny
to see written into the counters...
to bad I was the one who had to clean it.
d:
Chill out a little btw.
Everything is gonna be okie dokie.



No tip out today.
Bought one shirt today.
Buying the second one tomorrow.


(L)
YOU ARE AMAZING!
:D
I gave you a hug today,
haha.


I know I'm forgetting something
I'm gonna wanna add.


OH!

I fell at work today.
d:
I'm okay though.


WORK IS THE BEST! :D
my kitchen. ^.~


Mwah.

O-ECS