My friend said I should read this book.
So, why not?

This book is about a guy named Clay that gets a box.
When he opens it he finds 7 tapes.
13 stories.
On them is Hannah.
Telling her 13 people that made a snowball effect in her life,
that made her want to commit suicide.
This box is passed along to the 13 people on the tapes
in order.

She is a teen.
And they are in high school.

That is how her story was passed along.

I think it's sad.
276,000 people between the ages 15-25 yrs try to kill themselves every year;
5000 succeed.

If you are thinking of suicide I think you should call:
1-800-784-2433 aka 1-800-SUICIDE
or
1-800-273-8255 aka 1-800-273-TALK
or visit this web site to find places near you.
http://suicidehotlines.com/

Suicide isn't the answer.
You may not see it now,
But there is a spot in life waiting for you somewhere
around the world.
I think everyone was born on Earth for a reason.

And if you ever need to talk to someone about something,
and the hotlines are helping...
I am here also
but I may not be as good as them
but I am here to listen.
and here to help if you need a friend.

I want to make a difference.

I think everyone should continue to see the light of the next day.

Truthfully I wish life was easy.
And, now everyone comes to me complaining about their life.
Which I find ironic...because that use to be me.


I've been trying to give advise,
I try to make people happier...but is that my job?
I mean, I know I'm not the best at it.

I just want to see others happy.

Someone came up to me today, and at first said he was sorry.
Then are talk got deeper.
And he said he just didn't care about life...that he just gave up.

I can't watch people do that to them selves.
For some odd reason it hurts me.
So, I talked to him.
I told him...

"Life isn't easy, No one ever said it was going to be, You have one life. spend it the way you want. but my advise is to LIVE IT! don't give up just because things are getting hard, it's high school and yus, everything is going to seem mixed up and hard. But if you try to care and try to give a crap about whats going on and have fun, everything hard isn't going to be as hard, and don't start talking about people behind their backs. HAVE FUN. and if you died tomorrow is that how you want to spend life, saying "i gave up." I'm not saying it's going to be a piece of cake to make everything better, but it really is better to try to start down this path of life."

Was that the right thing to say?
Am I wrong to step into someone Else's life?

I do have to say, that I got most of the way I think from my roll model.
She's an amazing person,
who I am very glad to say I have met.
She has made an impact into my life.
:)

Anyway, maybe this is my personal thoughts,
but even if life is getting hard,
I think everyone should start on a path
to look at the positive...I'm not saying that will be easy.
It does help though.
At least it has for me.
And my friends can tell you, I use to be the one that said,
"my life sucked"
Then I started to try to look at a better view on life.
And, now life is easier, I wont say it's perfect, or even good yet.
But, It is easier.

I don't know, sorry if you don't understand me.
But, really...I think everyone should just take a positive path
on the road called life.
<3

Thank you so much by the way...(roll model) If you didn't walk into my life,
I truthfully don't know what I would be like right now.
You showed me, even though everything could be bad,
that there is no reason to be in a bad mood as well.
You told me...
"If I died tomorrow...is that how I wanted to live me life?"
"Would I wanna die, saying I never finished any of my goals?"

Now that's what runs in my head.
Maybe it should run through yours too.

But thank you again, you are amazing!
<3

There is always that someone...
That you are not going to forget.
Everyone has someone.
I mean you could be in a relationship, single, married..
whatever.

But there is going to be that "one" someone,
you will never ever forget.

I know I have a few people like that.
I wont list them, but...yeah.
It brings you down, maybe because
you never get to see them,
or maybe it's because you live super far away from them,
maybe they hurt you so bad...but you still care,
or even maybe...they are gone.

I guess that's why I have been in such
a up and down mood.

I think to much...

I truly miss so many people,
and I mean I probably say a lot about them,
I can't help it!

All I know is I'm not letting it hold me back.
I'm moving forward.
I don't want to fall apart and say good-bye to everything.
But for sure, I will always have moments
where i go back and think about them.

///////////////////////////////////////////

People

I know this maybe not something everyone cares to know about.
But I wanna put it out there...
why?
I have no clue.
:D

Person #1
You make me feel amazing,
you make me feel like someone and not just like I'm walking around clueless.
Whenever I am with you I get a jolt of happiness,
and a dash of nervousness.
When you hold me I feel safe,
and warm on a cold day.
When you kiss me, I lose any thoughts on my mind,
besides that you are amazing.
And when I'm just with you and talk,
I feel away from the world...like no ones around but us.
I can't lie to you,
you make my heart race!
I get butterflies, and the simple thoughts of...
"how long will this really last..?"
I truthfully hope this really does last.
You are the most sweetest, nice, amazing guy ever.
<3

Person #2
I have to say you were always there for me.
Time after time I went to you for help.
I didn't think at first,
I would be able to trust you.
But you VERY much showed me wrong.
I do miss how things use to be.
I mean I wish we were as close as we use to be.
I still trust you, and I'm glad I know you.

Person #3
I MISS YOU!
You said nothing would change and that you would always
be there for me.
I should have known that would have changed,
but I guess I just really wanted that to be true...
When I see you again...what's gonna happen?
Are we friends?
I'm glad I met you though, no matter how you treat me.

Person #4&5
You two are amazing.
I'm glad I met both of you.
Like #2 you guys help me out a lot.
It's awkward at times...or maybe that's just me.
And yus, there is also some anger thrown out at you.
but we always know how to deal with that kinda of stuff.
I'm just really glad I met you guess, and that we are close.

Person #6
Please.
Don't be like everyone else!
I need you in my life.
No, I don't mean want...I mean NEED!
Everyone else could disappear (yus, I would break down)
but, I know you would try as hard as you could to put
me right back into my normal mood.
I'm glad that you are always around when I need you.

Mood?


What can I say for that...?
Everyone has moods or feelings.

Lately, mine have been getting to me.
I get scared so much,
But yet...I'm still happy,
and of course...I still have tears fall from my eyes.

All in one day.

Scared- Of everything falling apart,
that any second he could walk right outta my life,
Things that are silly, I get scared of.

Happy- Friends,
Having a great time with family,
Feeling loved,
Knowing he is there for me.

Tears- Hurt,
Feeling worthless,
Like you can't help,
Lost.


Again, I'm not sure where I'm going with this.
This has kinda been my venting system.
Well till I can find a better way to let everything out.


I'm tired of being left out there!
Like being left behind. (picture related.)

Or being ignored, that stuff has just steamed my anger...
or my thought of worthlessness.
It's not like I wanna be worthless, I'm not like that.
I always wanna feel like I can be there for people,
and help them out.

Lately though,
I haven't been able to help anyone.
It makes me feel bad,
and it doesn't help when I'm trying to help someone,
they say rude things,
like that I wasn't help at all...and walks away from you.

It makes you hurt inside.

Do you understand?

And just because you understand something,
doesn't mean you will have an answer to help them...does it?

I'm so confused.

Thank you Corben.
You really helped me out though.
<3

Buh Bye.

Kinda how I wanted life to be like...

I'm can't lie.. How I'm living life is nothing of how I wanted it. I always wanted to be that girl, who never showed emotions, wouldn't really ever tell you anything.. but that's hard to live up to. When you are naturally emotional. Then I can't seem to shut my mouth when it comes to my 3 best friends...and I wish I kinda didn't tell them as much. I mean I trust them, I really do! Just...We do get in fights... and what if something takes a bad turn? I don't know, I guess I always thought about the worse. Which is something I always wanted to change. So, When I started this school year that came by pretty fast. I told myself, I was going to make a change.

My changing goals...

1. I want to be positive, no more sad crap.
2. I will not break a tear in front of anyone.
3. My life is mine, and I don't need to tell people everything.
4. I'm going to live life to the fullest//no regrets.
5. I'm going to become closer to my family.

I want this change, because then maybe I can help those people
I said I wanted to make an impact on...

I started...

I would just like to start out that I did start this because I think it would be easier to read my friends blogs, lol. I guess I will write blogs as well. I mean, why not right?

This is what everyone is looking for in life.
Am I wrong?
Everyone takes life in different paths to hit
what they think happiness is.
That's also why a lot of people are different, because of how they see things.
No one will ever be the same,
and that includes the people you dislike or hate.
You may not like them, but think...
they probably think the same of you,
because you may do something they don't like.

There are also people that have been in so much,
and a smile means a lot to them.
They change their world, because they want to see others smile as well.

Everyone does different things because of how there life has been set up for them.

So, I told myself...I can't judge anymore...
I mean yeah, I'll probably still do it,
and everyone pretty much does it...

Judging isn't always bad.

But, I mean I want to step into someone's life,
and have a helping meaning
but not for my standers.
Like I don't want to change them so they are more like me,
I want to help just to make people more
comfortable about life.

I just want to help other people to find THEIR happiness.