What I think.

(W)
Lately time has flied.
We talk and waste time.
It makes me smile.


(J)
What is it that makes you do it?
Why always me?
Are you just messing with me?

(R)
You are so different.
So sweet.
You make me feel like I matter.


(W, part2)
Dang.
Wow.
Mwah.
(:



I'm skipping from cloud to cloud.
Smiling.
Until I see you,
now it is not just a smile,
my heart is racing.



Work:
So, I'm adding a person to my family list.
Aimee, she's like a motherly roll.
Love it.
Everyone else is falling into place as well.
It's super amazing.
(:





When I've been somewhere
we have been before,
I try to retrace my foot steps
of that day.
So I can smile once more.




I think it's crazy that no one notices.


Mwah.

O-ECS

Wow.

Stary night sky.
What an amazing sight.



I don't really understand any of it.
Why I wake up from these dreams.
Screaming to go back.
Forcing myself to think the dream will come back,
and that everything will be okay.
When I know,
I just want to hide from the truth.


The truth is,
you don't get what you want.
Not always.
If your spoiled...which my school is full of,
doesn't count.
Because unless they are rich
on their old when they get older...
they will get their ass handed to them.




(B)
I HATE YOU!!
YOU MESSED UP EVERYTHING!!!
But, I don't hate you..
because you still talk to me...
Ugh.




That sight was amazing.
I wanna lay there.
With are hands laced together.
Looking lifeless on the ground.
As our eyes are looking up.
What an amazing sight.



(E1)
If you notice,
just once...
I'll give you $10.



You know what I hate?
When you are talking with someone,
and they ditch you because
they have 'something' else going on.

Aka...being lied too.

And people never understand why my trust level for them is low?
hmm...



Maybe if I dance under the stars for a little bit longer.
Everything will be okay.


<3

O-ECS

One....two....three....

Every time I'm gonna look at this post...
I'm gonna laugh now.


Wow, it's been a while hasn't it?



Anyway,
I've been making new friends.

Or maybe not,
I'm not sure.
I've been randomly sending messages to people.
Saying hi.
They might think I'm weird.
But, in a way,
that's what we did when we were little.
We went up to someone and said
"hi"
"will you be my friend?"




My mind is filled with thoughts of you.
Crazy huh?
You haven't even done anything yet.
Yet...
key word?
Who knows?
I sure don't.




My brother scares me sometimes.
He's dancing right next to me.



ugh,
it sucks.
I wanna type out so much.
but I can't seem to even start to form
what I'm thinking into words.




A magical carpet ride.
Across my heart,
you sail.

Just hold on tight.
Don't let go.

Tell me what you want to hear.
Tell me what I want to hear.
You know we belong.

Don't hold back.
Don't fight the truth.

One day,
I'll lace my fingers through yours.
We'll walk along the blue,
with everything starting to fade.

A magical sight to have.
On this magical carpet ride.



(:


1
2
3

it's as easy as that.



I wanna get on the roof top and just scream my lungs out.

Mwah.

O-ECS

I'm holding on.

"Hold on...if you feel like letting go
Hold on...it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking you're one step closer
Don't stop searching it's not over...hold on."



Status-Single.
Mood-A little bit of everything.
Energy-Gone.



Work:
It started out kinda blah,
I had to do things. lol.
Well as the night gets later,
There was screaming because Danny is a butt.
Haha, he scared me twice.
Something about throwing a water balloon at me?
Oh gosh.
Bowing.
Singing in weird ways.
Brent to me is really like an older brother.
He just sends me that vibe.
Which I love.
Jimmy is a mood booster.
He is always putting joy in everything,
even if he's having a bad day.
Jake is the only one I really talk to.
Not counting my brother of course.
Jade is the one I start wars with.
Fake wars.
He reminds me of some guys from school.
I couldn't have my Arizona tea with me,
haha just playing,
one of the bark backs was messing with me.
I love work.
I was in a REALLY bad mood today.
And work was what made everything better.




I had this dream,
it wasn't bad like the others.
It made me wake up,
with a smile,
and a blush crawling over my cheeks.

It kinda scares me.

It makes me think...




(J)
I drew a picture of us.
Shh...it's a secret.
Mhmm, you'll never know.

(W)
Have you even noticed?
I noticed.
Why did you have to give up the day?

(C)
Please stop.
I'm not stupid.
I know more then you think.

(E)
I wish you would talk to me.
Give me a chance.
You don't even know me.

(R)
The way you hug me.
The way you care.
It's an amazing feeling.



You all have been in my mind lately.




I just wanna jump into your arms,
and let all the fear disappear.




I
'
m

i
n

l
o
v
e

w
i
t
h

y
o
u
!

O-ECS

Feed my soul.

It's crazy what thoughts can fill your mind.

The thoughts you can't control,
I find them the worst.

I had set lines.
Lines I wouldn't cross.

Who knew I was so bad at that?



As I start to rest my head to sleep.
I think of the magical world I wanna be in.
Where maybe I can be happy all the time.

As I wake up,
I am gasping for breath,
and have tears falling down my cheek.


The dreams are the worst part lately.
I wouldn't even call them dreams anymore.
Nightmares, YES!




That ball of anger I always talk about has turned around.
It's more of a ball of tears now.

someone says one thing wrong,
and I'm broken.
The ball
has broke
and
I'm
the
first
one
down
crying.


Yeah, it sucks!


Even worse...
I'm crying over nothing probably.



There is this amazing person,
that told me he was moving.
I kinda envy him.

I know what it's like to move away from
ALL your close friends.
That, and I moved on my birthday.
I miss every single one of my friends.
Most don't even remember me now.
Once you've been away from a place for a while,
everything seems to fade.
That place matters less and less.
So, why do I envy him?
Because when he moves,
he can make that new start.
They don't know anything about his other life here.
and with that they can't judge him.
So, yeah...I envy that he can start that new life.



Turn the page
of the
big
book

that we call life.

O-ECS

This is sad I know.

There once was a little girl who lived alone at
Home. She never did have much to
Eat. She played
Guitar when ever she could get her hand on one.
At one point her
Mom told her she had, had
Enough, and wanted her to stop playing FOREVER
.

So sad. ):
I mean if you read the first letter of each line.


Okay, I'm not sure why I did that.
just to find something to do to open this up with, I guess.


As of right now,
everything has been going pretty good.
I've seen my friends I haven't seen in a while.
I've been outta the house.
I'm taken. (Which is a surprise)
I have a job.
Everything has just been good.

Yes, it is still round 2.
Yes, life is playing twice.

But,
I like it.
I like this feeling that has been storming up
inside of me.

No not everything is perfect,
and sure there are things I wanna fix,
but for now I am happy with what I have.

I wish some people would leave me alone though.
I do everything I do,
so I can be happy.
Everyone does that,
So why do people judge so much?


Well, school was nice today.
<3


O-ECS

You are my...

You are my sunshine.
As simple as that.
Your words sting.
And your motion so bright.
You aren't always there.
And sometimes you hurt.
You are too far away.
But you reach out to me.
You are my sunshine.
As simple as that.

My heart like a nightmare.
I can't control it.
I can't escape it.
I can't say no to it.
I can't understand it.
It knows me,
everything about me.
I can't walk away.
I can't hide.
It controls my every string,
till I've opened up.




I screamed the other night,
You weren't there.
I cried the same night,
You weren't there.
I smiled the next morning,
You weren't there.
I did nothing the evening,
You weren't there.

So tell me,
what must I do for you to notice?



Random note:
I'm getting my hair cut again.

Random facts:

• In a day 34,000 children die from causes that are related to poverty and hunger.

• Every 40,000 children are killed by fires.

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

• Oral-B is a combination of oral hygiene and the letter B, which stands for the word better.

• Cow is a Japanese brand of shaving foam.

• Over one billion Valentine's Day cards are sent each year in North America.

• The melting point of cocoa butter is just below the human body temperature which is why it literally melts in your mouth.

• Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.

Random word:
To-shay or Touche.


Random song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqz5dbs5zmo




I dreamed about you the other night.
It was quite magical.
Like jumping into water,
as the heat of the summer is washed off,
and your body is now in the world of a fish.
Like swinging,
as the air passes through your hair,
a cool in take
in a rush to move forward.
Like getting on your first roller-coaster,
Where you are filled with the unknown,
but as soon as you take off,
this amount of joy and breath taking moment.
It's quite all amazing.
Like you.

The stars are watching us.
So lets make the best of this.
Shall we?

I might not do everything right,
but at least I'm having fun.
That's the best thing to do,
when you only live once.
Right?

I'll dream of you,
like I did the night before.
So you know,
there is always someone out there
thinking about you.

"Its starting like the dreams i had everyday
Now i come to know all the lights in the world

Everything has a scent because of you
I want to give all the dreams you want
I'll be your Tinkerbell in the sky
Like the first snow in winter like the sun in early spring
I fly to you with mysterious magic

When the Witch of Ice World from fairy tales
blows cold wind in front of us one day

Promise me. We can overcome it together.

I'm not scared of anything when i'm with you.
I'll be your Tinkerbell in the sky
Like the ocean in summer like the sky in late fall
Its a dream that starts when the blue light sparkles

The things i want to do with you are increasing
I'm worried the time we have is not enough

I want to give all the dreams you want
I'll be your Tinkerbell in the sky
Like the first snow in winter like the sun in early spring
I fly to you with mysterious magic

I'm not scared of anything when i'm with you.
I'll be your Tinkerbell in the sky
Like the ocean in summer like the sky in late fall
Its a dream that starts when the blue light sparkles"



O-ECS

Round 2.

And with a title like that,
what could this blog be about?


Should I list out the things that have played twice?
I think not.

There is to many of them.


BUT,

there is one event that I shall talk about,
but in a way that will only make little sense,
unless you really know me.


About this exact time last year,
I had gotten in that car with the 2 of you.
Hood down.
Went and picked up someone I didn't know.
They had met over internet.
Went to a gas station, to get him cigs.
Plover was made.
Went out to eat.
He got tea while the rest got mtn dew.
Went to the movies.
Next day we went bowling.
Later we had went to the beach.

This time this year,
I had gotten in that car with the 2 of you.
Hood down.
Waited for someone I didn't know to join.
They had met over internet.
Went to a gas station, to get him cigs.
Words were said to make a new Plover...but I didn't want it.
Went out to eat.
He got tea while the rest got mtn dew.
Went to the movies.
Next day we went bowling.
We had also gone to the beach.


I've never had life play twice.
Not in a way where I can pick out SO many things.
And yes, this is a VERY tiny amount of the
double playing I have been seeing.



Yeah, that was a vent.
Buh byee.
O-ECS
.

I normally don't do this.

I know I normally never double post.

But,
I couldn't help but want to say this.

(:



Today was crazy amazing.
Even though I was supposed to be off from work today.
I'm glad I was called in, besides the extra money.

Hehe, gosh.


It's crazy how things work out.


I think that's why I'm up late right now.


It made my night.


That and my people at work are weak. (:

Had to deal with drunk people...eww.
haha.


eeeppp, today was great. ^.^

Buh byee
O-ECS

"Music is what feelings sound like."


"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent."


And with that.
Music is AMAZING!


I don't think anyone or anything can understand someone
as well as music can.



I don't know why that is.
But
I
Simply
Love
It
.




Well, I have to say...
Today was the happiest I've been in a while.
I think it might be because I did NOTHING
in school today.
(:

It was super amazing.
First block...of B days.
Band: Played, but I got to run around the band room.
And E and I are talking again,
and there is no awkwardness, well for me there isn't.
Math: Played Rock Band in class.
Japanese: Had a party. Played Rock Band, had food, danced, took pictures.
Biology: We took notes on a movie, then went outside to find Easter eggs.


To me that was a REALLY laid back day.
Something I needed.







"Adorable illusion"

You know,
I care about you. I really REALLY super do. I can't say you are my everything, because that would be a lie above all. Everything changed between us...well all of us. My heart broke into pieces and from that a lot changed...well a lot changed even before my heart broke and my eyes blurred and my sanity disappeared. I use to be able to speak for you, like 2 peas in a pod. Weird how I can't even say we are close now. I think it is worse that we kinda hide from each other. Like I think I'm in a shell, and to talk to you or any of you is so outta my comfort line. Lately, I've been going pass my comfort zone, which makes me kinda hide later, or just want to zone out later. When we hug, I wish you wouldn't let go, just let me feel that I'm loved. You know I'm scared. I think everyone can tell I'm scared...or as some people put it...I look upset. I guess you can't tell the difference in me. Which could be a problem since those are 2 separate feelings. When we are dancing around I wish those smiles we have plastered to our face, wouldn't fade. I wish at some point you would smile at me and tell me everything outta your mouth wasn't always a joke. I wish you would talk to me and say hey for once. I wish people would be like that one bank commercial where one person does something nice which makes another person do something nice that just spreads. I understand we aren't as close as we use to be, I understand you guys are all amazing close, and me fitting in isn't the easiest thing. I love that you are trying though. Thank you. Today you didn't have to just walk away, that was very rude. When he is being nicer then you, that isn't right. It's normally the other way. Also why are you so mean? I don't think you should be. I mean I can't change you, nor do I want to...I just hate that you dis on my friends and me. I'm glad we met, you are pretty sweet. Your words to me are amazing, I know I can go to you when I need to smile. When I need to laugh, I know it's you and a few others that can just make me almost fall out of a chair laughing so hard. It's easy to talk to you. It's awkward to talk to you. I'm scared to talk to you. You talk to me. I hide from you. I run after you in the halls just to say hi and give you a hug. I wonder about you. I love that when I'm with you we pretty much just lay back and chill. You all entered my world in different ways, some in not so amazing ways, and some in ways I'll never forget. This isn't about just one person, it's about people that matter to me, or people I have contact with, or people that have changed my life in some way. Almost each sentence is about a different person, not all though.

I
Am
In
Love
I
Bet
You
Would
Have
Never
Guessed
That
.


That
Is
Right
,
I
Am
In
Love
With
You
.
(:




"I miss the old days that we murdered
They're so far gone, out of reach
Watch 'em fade with summer's heat."

Walking into walls.

.
.
.
I'm scared.
Worse then I normally am.

I'm not sure if I want to say why...



Also, by the time school is over,
I might be bald.
Yeah, I'm that stress.



You know,
I always made things harder for me.
Which is something I hated about myself.
Well, then I guessed it was because
I like books...
and I put myself in the world of a book.

Which then makes complications.


So, one problem happens to be...

my love life.


I turn it into more then it needs to be.

I feel to be happy...
is to be with someone...
because I have not healed...


but that is not the right reason.
It is a REALLY BAD reason to be with someone.
So, I gave up being with someone at this point.


I can't stand that I haven't healed,
but then again,
I don't know if I will ever heal.

I have to keep moving on though.
That is something I very much have to learn.
I'm going with it will be hard...seeming it is now still.




Anyway...

School...

well it has been the same.
I get to stressed over my grades,
and I'm too busy not paying attention in class
because I have friends.


Or those people I like to call my friends.

Are they really my friends?

I don't think I want to find out.
They say they are there for me,
and that is all I want to hear.

That comfort keeps me somewhat sane.




You know lately I've just wanted to scream...
the only problem is...
still got no one to scream at...


I've been getting mad so fast.

And still everything is making me cry.


I hate this.
It's almost like I have no more control.

I feel like everything has taken a path away from me.


The harder and probably the stressing part...
is trying to feel the opposite,
and trying to pull everything back,
so it feels back to normal.



My new start hasn't gone very well.
Which makes me a little sad.
I'm gonna work on it though.
I will.
I can do it.


Positive thoughts.
:)