I was talking to someone a few days ago.
We talked about things we wanted to do
before we die.
I'm sure everyone has a list.
My only problem is...we make this list...
and no ones does anything.

I have my list, and I have done nothing on it.
We all think we are gonna be living for a LONG time to come.
But, we really don't know that.

I guess some of the things I can't fully do yet...
since my age is still to young.
But, I think I am gonna do whatever I want...
and the worse thing that can go around is my reputation.
The only thing about that, is that's what other people think.
Which means...I don't care.

"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new."
-Albert Einstein

So, like I said in an older post.
You can't make a new beginning,
but you can make a new now.

Sometimes I wish I could just start over.
And other times I know I shouldn't.
Life is being shaped by us.

And everything is going the way it is supposed to.
Even if it isn't always the best.


So part of my Carpe Diem list from school:
1)Laying on the beach with a group of friends at night.
2)Getting on a roof and screaming.
3)Making whatever "what if" not longer a "what if"
4)Cook for people I love.
5)Go back to colorado and watch the sunset and rise.
6)Go back to the Philippines.
7)Go to my sisters grave again, with flowers.
8)Meet new people, in interesting was.
9)Make a difference in someone's life.
10)Find a get away spot and write my heart out.
Skip 11.
12)Skydive.
13)buggy jump.
14)Snowboard.
15)Publish something I have wrote.
16)Travel.
17)Own a Lamborghini Diablo SV

My Bucket List from January 9, 2010:
1)Get married.
2)Visit Japan.
Skip 3.
4)Skydive.
5)Climb a mountain.
Skip 6.
7)Become a chef.
8)Open a restaurant.
9)Sleep under the stars.
10)Fire a gun.
11)Finish school.12)Travel all over the world, see how different people take control of their lives.
13)Publish my diary.
14)Send a message in a bottle.
15)Get a tattoo.
16)Snowboard.
17)Live in Colorado again.
18)Take pictures with everyone I have ever met.
19)Find a view that truly takes my breath away.
20)Become a more positive person.
21)Shower in a waterfall.
22)Stay in a hotel with my friends.
23)Go on a cruise.
24)Buy candles…lots of candles...and use them all.
25)Learn all about wine, and drink them.


~~~~~~~~~


Last thing I wanted to add is...
Secret love.
Yeah, I just gave a random name for it.
:P

1) We use to be CRAZY close.
You kinda made me drift from my other friends.
Then we just stop seeing each other.
And when I said I needed to see you, You weren't there anymore.
You still are someone I look up too.

2)Oh gosh,
Where to start?
You mean a lot to me, more then I seem to show.
Again, you were someone I was close too,
but we drifted,
and both of noticed our friendship was complicated.
So is that why we aren't really friends now?

3)Wow,
You are amazing.
You make me laugh so much.
You really are more like an older brother.
I'm not sure what I was thinking.
And I'm hoping everything will work out.

4)New,
Yup, you are new in my life.
And as soon as you are new.
You are gonna be old.I hate that thought too.
I promise I'll keep in touch with you.
I wish you the best my little sis.

5)You are crazy.
You know what to do to make me smile.
I love that.
I love that I can joke with you about anything.
I wish you understood though,
that I really am here for you.
And that no matter what I always will be.

6)I think it is thanks to you,I've changed a lot.
You make me smile a lot as well.
And you just know how to make someone feel better.
You also know how to make someone laugh.
You are one of my best friends.
I'm glad we started to talk again.

7)We have been friends for a long time.
The only thing is,
have we really been friends?
I wonder sometimes...
Sometimes, I feel like you are using me in someway...
or that I'm just there.
Idk.

8)You are amazing.
You are one of the few I feel are stillthere after such a long time.
You are so strong, I'm glad I've met you.

9)Wow,
you have made a LARGE impact lately.
You try everyday to make sure I have a smile across my face.
And you are good at putting on there.
I'm glad you didn't walk away from me.
You stood next to me,
and said "it will make us closer friends.
I'm sure of it."
I'm glad it really did.
10)You are like an older sister.
You watch after me,
you help me up when I fall.
You tell me everything will be alright.
Thank you.

11)You are who I consider my BEST FRIEND.
We don't always talk,
but we have more lately.
But I think that's it, we can still be close friends evenwhen we don't talk 24/7.
I can tell you anything and everything.
Like I feel I can really open myself to you.
I promise I'll spend the night at your house one day.
Haha.

12)Putting 2 in one for this one.
You 2 are incredible,
yeah we are only human,
so fights are bound to break lose.
But we manage to talk and be close in the end.
I guess it helps we are almost all alike.
You guys are simply perfect in my eyes.

13)You are so strong.
You went through a lot.
And it has been crazy for you at times.
and you still pulled your head up high, found the positive.
You are beautiful,
and I look up to you.
I love you.

14)You are imperfect.
As well as I am.
But perfect in the same matter.
You make me smile by the weirdest things.
You are not like everyone else.
Which is pretty interesting.
I'm very glad I met you.
Thank you.

I think I am stressed.

I'm not even sure about what anymore.

Just everything I guess.

It's scary how fast life is moving.

I wish everything would FREEZE!

I wish my mind would STOP.

and I wish I could just REST!

Everything right now,

just kinda...

Sucks.

I'm not saying life is HORRIBLE!

Just that it simply sucks.

It's boring.

I want more from it.

Also, I think I'm not telling people.

I was always about the "what if's"

so I would always tell what was on my mind.

But something I hated knowing what the "what if" was.

Sometimes I just wish I could walk away,

or just move on from something.

I don't really understand what have been going on,

but I just want to fly away.

Everything just seems over powered.

I'm gonna make the best of what I've got.

I'm not perfect, and never will be.

I'll find Mr.Right one day.

I'll be happy.

And nothing

and no one,

can or will

HOLD

ME

BACK

!

I really am not sure what I'm looking for anymore.

A reply?

something?

A sign?

Someone to just talk to me?

Someone that I wont hurt?

Something..different?

Something I can really say is new?

I feel like a broken record...playing over and over again.

Wake up.

Get ready for school.

Go to the bus stop.

Go to the morning group.

Talk.

Class.

Learn.

Get on the bus.

Home.

Rest.

Get ready for work.

Walk to work.

Work.

Get home.

Sleep.

Wake up again,

get ready for school...

etc.

I want to meet someone new.

Someone that walks into my life,

and is willing to put up with me.

Is sweet to me.

Knows more about me,

then I know myself.

And I know I wouldn't ever get mad

at that someone.

That would be nice.

(:

3 more hours till I have to work...fun.

I get paid today though. :D

I like money.

But my plans went out the window...so Idk now.

Blah...this blog sucks...

I couldn't focus about anything running in my mind right now.

Sorry.

O-ECS

Gaming.

Life.

I think I see it more like a game now.

And everyday you are rolling dice.

But on this game, there are a lot of

GO BACK 3 SPACES.

But there are times you get continue with no problem.

It's almost like the game of Life,

but with a twist.

I was proud of myself lately.

I hadn't cried in...Idk..a month maybe.

and 2 days ago, I broke it.

and while crying...I yelled at myself for crying...which made me cry more.

Sad? I think so. Haha.

but I learned at lunch today,

if you cry, you live longer.

is that true?

I'm not sure what is going on.

I seem to want to cry at everything today.

It's not helping I'm normally emotional.

But not I'm like SUPER emotional.

First block today at school,

we made Carpe Diem lists,

aka bucket lists.

(:

yeah, that was our classwork.

Amazing I personally think.

They were SUPER funny.

I mean it was crazy, I couldn't stop laughing.

But when I wrote mine, I didn't think we were sharing it to the class.

I was reading mine, and almost started to cry.

Personally that would have been REALLY bad.

I have a few questions for anyone willing to answer.

1)Do you think it's using someone if you still have feelings for someone else,

and you want to ask them out?

2)Why can't ex's be friends?

How does it end up normally getting complicated?

Today I was talking to an ex,

and he helped out a lot.

At first I was like I don't want to ask out E.

I would feel as if I'm using him to make myself happy from my drifting mind.

and he said, isn't that was the guy is for in a relationship, to make you happy?

and to show you he cares?

It's weird, because when I think about ex's he's one of the few that I'm still REALLY close to.

Then we started talking about why do ex's always fight and the next thing you know,

you will never talk again...and everything becomes an awkward distant shadow.

I'm not sure I know what I'm talking about in this blog.

But I vented in a weird way.

Yesterday was amazing.

Buh byee.

O-ECS

Wonderful.

If you asked me to tell you who I was

a year ago,

I would say, something about how much I was still a kid.

a month ago,

I would say, I don't think I could be any happier.

a week ago,

I would tell you, I don't know how to pull myself together.

a day ago,

I would tell you, I'm a whole different person.

I never thought about how life changed.

I mean I thought about moments of the past. Events.

But never how they changed, or really...why.

This one moment a few days ago,

it hit me.

Everything.

And when it hit me,

I knew I needed a change.

Then I happened to end up talking to a friend last night.

She really helped.

We just sent back a forth,

Positive things.

Things we should follow.

So, I went to sleep thinking about everyone and everything.

Corben - why it was a good thing we broke up.

Virginia - why I was put here.

Colorado - why I left.

Kerry - why we fought.

Anja - why we split.

Notebook - why I stay to myself.

Trust - why I was broken about it.

Happiness - what always makes me happy.

Friends - who are they and what they have done.

Path - what choices have I picked.

Love - what my view is on it.

Dreams - what they really mean.

And so much more.

I think at one point are mind tries to go into a alternate world,

because it feels over filled.

And I did just that.

:)

And with that so much changed.

Which surprised me.

I can't say everything changed.

Or that everything is "perfect"

But I was able to tell myself

"there is better things in life."

I was able to smile a real smile today.

and the thought of it was great.

I thought about my loses/drops in friendship.

and

I think that's true.

Just it sounds easier when put like that.

You may always think of them,

but there was a reason for it.

Life is amazing how it works.

No one may ever understand it.

Why we are on this old piece of land holding so much of a past.

It's amazing if you think of it.

There are probably dead people under you house,

from like billion of years ago.

Or well use to be there.

This I did get from The Inky Finger Files.

About me

the one thing I'll post from my notebook.

:)

I am like most teenage girls, but so different as well. I'm an October baby, who is older then most in her grade. I hate looking the same everyday. I'm sick of the pattern we follow everyday of our lives, nothing is new, it just all blends together. I dream big, and I say I follow my dreams, but I hide more. I believe love SHOULD be like in the movies with a happy ending. I think every word has a bigger meaning then everyone uses for it. I cry more then I laugh. I complain more then I am grateful. I love trying to solve things other people have trouble doing. I push myself to far, and I cook with my heart. I dance around in my room when no one is looking. Music feeds my soul. I put myself in more pain or hard spots everyday, which I never seem to try to fix, because I feel it will fix itself. I believe you can't compare yourself to other people, because they aren't you, only you can be you. I say my favorite color is green, but I really don't think I have a favorite color. I'm scared of guys and that why I act the way I do around them. I like to feel higher class, look wise as well. I love making new friends that my friends don't know. No one has ever seen me fully angry. I feel I have less emotions then everyone else. I think I need to lose weight even thought I'm already under. I wish I was a little taller, and I wish I was full Asian. I'm blunt and say things like it is, and don't always mean what I say. I write out lines in my head about life as though it where a book. I can't sing, I don't think I look good in pictures, I have an ego that I TRY not to show. I'm not perfect, I trip over myself a lot, I love jumping on people, I'm a bitch, I'm hyper normally, and I'm also quiet.

I wrote that yesterday, during school.

Looking at it, I could have changed things as of now.

But I didn't.

"I Might Have To Wait

I'll Never Give Up

I Guess It's Half Timing

And The Other Half's Luck

Wherever You Are

Whenever It's Right

You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing

And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me

And Now I Can See Every Possibility."

:D

I'm sure I have a reason for being here.

I wasn't born to just die.

Even now, I have already changed so much in life.

Maybe no for you.

But the people I have met.

If they never met me...think of how life would be different.

maybe even the simplest things like:

'running into me in the hallway, which knocks over all your stuff in your hands which makes you late for class, but this isn't the first time you are late. DETENTION!'

...okay...it could happen. Haha.

I never thought my mind could

"run" like it is now.

It's wonderful!

Yeah that was my word of the day.

Haha.

I'm free.

I did it.

♥

Cheers to making a new start?

♪O-ECS♪

I did it again...

I told myself I was done.

I told myself everything was over.

I told myself I wouldn't go back.

I fail.

That's right.

I've learned a lot in one day.

I think it's pretty weird.

I learned that love is a feeling you shouldn't force to go away.

I learned that whoever made us,

made sure there was someone perfect to be by there side.

I learned that 2 weights that meet when something in the middle...HURTS!

I learned that making new friends is easy.

I learned that I can trust people, I didn't think I could.

I learned that you must hope for the best, expect the least, but always move forward.

I learned that parents should not talk around people I know.

I learned that life will always have a fall to it.

I learned that no matter how hard something is right now, it can get harder.

I learned that a notebook can be your best friend.

I learned that I need to go to bed earlier.

:)

Today was amazing.

And there is NO turning back now.

I didn't think about this picture till I put it up on here.

It kinda looks like "the light"

Like Heaven over Hell.

But hey, that's not what this blog was supposed to be about.

So back on topic Irish.

Today was amazing.

List of things that happened;

1) I met a girl from Japan that couldn't really speak English.

2) I went jogging.

3) I finished ALL my homework.

4) I'm starting to feel better. (I was sick.)

5) I learned some new things. (Random facts.)

6) I figured out how to handle my emotions towards the one I love.

7) I learned that pain is part of growing up.

8) I leaned there are always going to be people that annoy you.

9) I've gotten closer to my brother.

10) My friends texted me about seeing movie. :) (Haven't talked to them in a long while.)

11) I smiled on my own today.

Yeah.

To me, that's improvement.

I know I'm not perfect.

No one is.

Sad fact.

But true.

I've learned what I wanted out of life,

may never come true.

But it's a dream wish is always worth fighting for.

I'm that type of girl that wants to think love isn't real but knows it is. I believe life should be more like a movie world, because they mostly always have a happy ending. The word forever shouldn't be used, because we don't last forever, we would have to be immortal. I give better advise when I'm sad. I eat when I'm mad, I don't eat when I'm sad, I clean when I'm stressed, and I give back rubs when I'm bored. I think laughing and dancing is the cure to everything. I think the more positive you think the better life can be for you. I think everyone shouldn't compare themselves to other people, because they aren't them, and they shouldn't be like them, because they should be proud to be them self. I think the night is where I feel more at home. I love the smell and taste of lemons. I dream/day dream more then anyone...maybe. I know the most random facts, that you may never need to know. I think the beach doesn't compare to the mountains. I think food is amazing, and that I for sure want to be a chef. I think fashion is a big part of life, because everyone judges, if they like it or not that's true. I believe teens live off cell phones. Why? I don't know, we feel the need to feel loved, and texts seem to do that for us. Music is life. I couldn't keep myself sane without it. I live for every moment. I hate drama, I hate haters, and fighting is a waste of my time.

It's 12:28 a.m. right now.

I know I shouldn't be up, I have school tomorrow.

I know I wont want to wake up.

Oh well.

You know, a dream is always perfect.

It's the place we want to be.

It's our real thoughts.

But...what's harder to understand,

is when you have a dream...

and you know KNOW the person in the dream.

They are a random person,

which you feel you must figure out.

Complicated.

Idk...why I made this blog...I'm not sure I even like it...

So...I'll end it.

Buh byee.

O-ECS

♥

If things aren't going right,

go left.

:)

Now or never...

When the time comes...

I'll make my move...

But until then...

I'm what you would call a scaredy cat.


I have the freedom of speech,
but wont use it.

I have the freedom to be myself,
but I hide behind every little thing I can.


I might have missed my chance,
but I think I'm still standing strong.

I wont let anyone watch me fall.

What has the world come down to? You know it's a bad day when what you learn about mostly at school is about death. I know it's how do you cope with it and stuff, but when you get the thought of death in your head, you start thinking about a lot.
Like who has died in your life, why they died, how they died.
If you could have done anything, why didn't you do anything, how couldn't you see it coming.
At a school, people never notice the people that are thinking about killing themselves.
They aren't going to bring it up, they want you to save them. They want you to know.
People that normally bring it up, just want to know who is there for them, who is willing to deal with them, who they are able to call their true friends.
Our world has fallen apart as I see it.
People resolve things from doing things they wouldn't normally do, or things they do on a 24/7 bases. Things like fighting, yelling, trashing places.
People that want to resolve things faster, Rape, Kill, Steal.
They do things that will scar you, things you can't take back from life.
Then what do you do? You don't normally feel anger, and at that point you are left in depression.

Lately I've craved for every smile I can get.
I can't seem to pull myself together from multiple events.

What these multiple events are...I really don't know.
I can't seem to find happiness without other people though.

It might be because I've become so scared of everything I know now,
just ending...
as fast as it started...
everything could be gone.

School has made me fear of what's going on now.

Help me?

Sorry if a few things are miss spelled, I rushed.

O-ECS
I hope you can read it...